I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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