yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
