I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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