I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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