If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
