but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
