He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
