All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize