Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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