dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
