maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
