i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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