8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And then he peed in my hair
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