You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
