honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
