I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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