I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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