sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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