yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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