I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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