I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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