Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
