Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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