i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
