you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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