For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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