So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
