my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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