He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
