just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
