he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
