In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
