I could have mohawked her pubes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
