that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
two words: eviction party
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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