The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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