dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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