Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
