i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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