Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
