My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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