god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
