I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
