I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
