He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
