Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
