The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
