I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he shaved USA in his pubs
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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