Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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