My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just cropdusted the office
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
