I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
