How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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