Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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