Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
