I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize