Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
