I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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