I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
