that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
