So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
