I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
