Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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