Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
