I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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