If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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