Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
