My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
