Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drunk is not a location!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
