Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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