She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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