i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
