At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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