I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
