My sheets look like a crime scene.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
