I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
