Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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