some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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