I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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