A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
