the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
