Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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