i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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