My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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