I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
