She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize