Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the day after is always just damage control
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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