Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
