you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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