I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
