im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
