I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
