there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
