Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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