i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
