Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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