no. you can't hotbox the world.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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