Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
