oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize