smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
