my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
