sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
