Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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