My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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