I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We are two peas in an std pod
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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