I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
