he wants to bone in the snuggie
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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