I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize