I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
