I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize