im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
