i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he puts the penis in happiness.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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