stop calling my apartment porn island.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
