oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Drunk is not a location!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize