u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
