I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
