I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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