I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
