all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
