Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
