she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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