I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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