Pants 0. Shit 1.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So many bounce houses so little time
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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