Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
